My Pledge

Wherefore? Whereto? Wherein? Must we? Mustn’t We? How then?

Some say it’s never a bad idea to open y0ur blog with a question. Or a string of vague, disorienting questions. It lures the reader in and primes them for a confusing, provocative experience. If the blog doesn’t deliver a confusing, provocative experience, certain authors of blogs will insinuate that it is your own fault for not being confused or provoked.

Stop reading those blogs immediately! Read my blog instead. I will not toy with nor torment you. No! I will soothe and inform you. The world will appear as neat and orderly as library stacks.

Sociology, Psychology, and Morality are creepy crawly snake dens. That’s what my undergrad adviser always used to tell me. But we have science and the science-y factification of history and culture. Let’s stick to the hard sciences and hard science presentations of the non-sciences, I say! Let’s find some random certainties we can latch onto. And let’s make them all agree. What I’m talking about, people, is an a-systematic system of beliefs!!

Those two white moths that just flitted by my window…they are not causing a train wreck in Spain. Bad things do not happen to good people. None of us are moving closer and closer every minute of every day towards decay and death. Not when we have our feet firmly planted in the terra firma of facts. If they are fun facts, all the better!!

I will tell you that the Rosetta Stone was the key to understanding ancient Egypt. That’s soothing. I will tell you that King David was God’s chosen leader of Israel. That’s calming. I will tell you about laws of logic. They are always true. Always.

Some of you are confused about my whereabouts for the past two months. Others of you know that I have been lost in the fog and mists. But no matter, I am back now and eager to soothe you with oversimplified facts, pure as the driven snow.

Did you know that Antonio Vivaldi taught at a Venetian conservatory for orphaned girls and was the most prolific composer on record?! 500 concertos in his life time. It’s true!

Did you know you can drink coconut water from a real coconut at Annapurna (Silver & Yale) for $4.50 plus tax? No lie!

Did you know our lives are simultaneously infinite and infinitesimal, heroic, and tragic, and farcical, and that everything within is also without, and that our depth is much greater than our span, not to mention our minds and bodies and souls contain all that ever is and was human, good and bad, and that the human merges occasionally with the more-than-human, and almost all of us are out there every day hoeing the wrong row? Also true!

Yes. So I hereby pledge from this day forward to enhance your curiosity for life and the world, while at the same time dampening your angst. I will fill you with delight, not disillusionment; whimsy, not melancholy; clarity, not the descending cloud.

Facts not knowledge, I say! for “…intricate are the troubles which the pursuit of this bewitching phantom, KNOWLEDGE, will bring upon thee.” — Laurence Sterne, Tristram Shandy.

Well, I think that’s enough pledging. Next week it will be back to blogging as usual.

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