Kitten Psychology and Other Stuff That Makes Me Mad

So I figured out what my blog is lacking. I have not been ranting enough. Rants sell. Rants rile and ruffle. Rants make us feel like we’re all on the side of Sanity and Justice in an insane, unjust world.

I’m going to try it out. I expect it to be difficult because I’m in a good mood today. But I will try to commune with my angry place–I will grope for that little tinder box of rage buried deep inside; I will strive to ignite it for Sanity and Justice’s sake. One of the ways I get to this angry place is remembering seeing a  shop sign that said “Cupcakes” in Santa Fe from a block away. But when I got to the shop I looked in the window and it was all richie rich children’s clothes. They didn’t sell cupcakes at all.

WTF???!!!

So hear we go. First, what is up with these kittens? I checked this book out of the library for my two-year-old daughter and, man, this is an f’d up cat family.

First they lose their mittens and are punished, then they find them and are rewarded with pie, and then they wear their mittens to eat the pie and soil them and they are once again punished. Then they launder them and are praised. The story pretty much ends there, but what I want to know is what the hell were they thinking, wearing mittens to eat pie? And where was Mother Cat when this was going down? Also what does this book teach us about shame and reward and punishment?

I don’t like it. I don’t like how fixated they are on their mittens to begin with and I don’t like how Mother Cat is so volatile with both her shaming and praise. She doesn’t say “You did a naughty thing,” she calls them “naughty kittens.” This will have negative, long-lasting  impact on every one of these kitten psyches well into adulthood–they will believe it is what they do, not who they are, that is valued and the mother approval complex will haunt every future relationship, albeit in probably different ways for each kitten.

You know what else is messed up? The rescinding of the Canadian penny, just because it costs 1.5 cents to manufacture one. I bet it costs way less than a dollar to print a dollar and even more way less than $100 dollars to print a hundred dollar bill. Why can’t paper money subsidize coin money? WHY?????

FURTHERMORE, Did you know that more Americans are imprisoned now here in America, than Russians in the gulag archipelago of Stalin?

Why were these Russian kids forced to dress so dopey by the Soviet state? Neckerchiefs? What the hell!? And WTF is with mulberry pollen? Why doesn’t my kitchen have more counter space? Why does my two-year old have such atrocious grammar? Why did so many horses have to die in WWI? Why was the dojo closed when I went to watch an aikido class? Why don’t more heterosexual North Americans like the Pet Shop Boys? ALSO is it fair that Antonio Gaudi was killed by a street car? Is it fair that I’m still not fluent in French? Is it convenient that forest floors are so dirty?!

Wow, I am really really really angry now. Please feel free to kick down the doors of your happy, zen place and write your rants in the comment section. It feels sort of bad but it is also empowering. Which is the whole problem with power! I could say lots of other terrible things about power but I  have to go home and make a salad.

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5 thoughts on “Kitten Psychology and Other Stuff That Makes Me Mad

  1. After I read your words, I have to practice mental self-flagellation, because I swoon in a way that would make Jesus blush. Your words are like illicit drugs (but, oh so much cheaper than the guy down the street sells his for!), and I am hooked.

  2. By the way, that guy on the street corner … cheapo stuff, 200% percent mark-up. I mean, WTF? GD rip-off if you ask me. I bet he has a side business as a loan shark; he’s that kind of dude. Who makes you pay extra for the needles. Really? I bet he used them already… f’er.

  3. Ummm… If we could take it back to cupcakes for a sec… I think I have you beat in that one. There’s a shop in Chicago that sells savory cupcakes, only it’s not instantly clear… You see these beauties in the window, all decked out… You start salivating and searching your pockets for a few bills to lay out for them… Only to look closer at the label and find out that it’s a meatloaf cupcake with garlicky mashed potato “frosting.” Really?! Really?!?!?! Spaghetti in cupcake form?! Someone call the cops!

  4. But Jason…that sounds…kind of…………darest I say….no, I wont….yes, I will…don’t hate me Jason…it sounds kind of…..you know….do you know what I’m going to say?.. sort of….good?

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