Persian Sins and Problems In My Neighborhood

Hi there Spartanites,

Remember when we won the Peloponnesian War? It only took 27 years, but… we did it! That’s back when we were all chummy chummy with Persia.

Oh, hey, non-awkward transition, speaking of Persia, I recently learned that Louis Wilcox has christened his downstairs living room The Persian Den of Sin. Let me tell you how I learned this. The hard way. I learned it the hard way, which is my preferred method of lesson learning. That is why I’ve touched electric fences and swam breast stroke, and learned to speak French using the Grammar Translation method. Because I love the hard way! I love to walk into a Persian Den of Sin and almost get pierced in the neck with an arrow that Louis is shooting from his bedroom to his homemade archery target beside a roaring fire in the fireplace in his living room. Lesson learned!

But more on that later, when I interview Louis about Persian vice (usury, drunkeness, blaspheming Xerxes, and/or almost shooting me in the neck with an arrow), for a forthcoming blog.

Meanwhile, I have a photo essay to share. It’s called: Problems in My Neighborhood: A Photo Essay. All of these pictures were taken within two blocks of my home. I hope you enjoy it. But it would be kind of weird if you did, because you shouldn’t enjoy other people’s problems. I hope you learn from it, mostly.

Problems in My Neighborhood: A Photo Essay

Here’s a problem: There’s a lost dog. He’s been missing for almost a month and his name is Pencil. Come back Pencil!


Another problem: These residents have moved their living room/home office outside, which is not really conducive to workplace productivity or guests wanting to sit with you on your couch.


Problem: Wagon wheels have not been in use since the early 20th century.


It’s hard to tell in this picture but these are all tiny chairs. Like kid-sized. Which makes me wonder…where is the adult supervision? Are children sitting on the porch all by themselves?? That is a problem.


Problem: Somebody threw out this gum wrapper, which is littering.


But wait, take a closer look! They also threw out perfectly good gum after taking a few nibbles off the end. That seems like something a dog would do…could it have been bored and hungry Pencil?


Problem: The evidence shows that it was not Pencil, the wayward doggie; it was a human being with men’s size eight shoes.


Problem: Strange totem poles surrounding an herb garden reminds me that I should have an herb garden and I don’t.


Then again: solution. Some nice person let his rosemary bush grow through his chain link fence onto public property which means, rosemary potatoes for me!


Problem: This cat is blurry. I didn’t realize he was blurry until I went back and looked at pictures of him. Another problem: he was hiding from me under this bush when I wanted to pet him.


Problem: I think this is a rusty cement mixer in someone’s Memories-of-Industrial-Americana themed front lawn. The problem is, it’s not a very original theme in my neighborhood.


Problem: These prickly pears need to be watered.


This theatrical troupe has gone militant, which means my poetry militia needs an even bigger tank. Problem.


On that note, my poetry militia has already claimed these pretty flowers but I don’t know if the threatrical troupe knows that. Problem.


Problem: Something or someone tore an egg carton to shreds. Was it hungry and despondent Pencil? Seems like something he would do. On the other hand it appears to be cut with a scissors, which makes even less sense.


Problem: This giant magical-realistic tomato painted on the local produce market building to cover gang grafitti makes everyone in the neighborhood uncomfortable.


Problem: Instead of turning our recycled glass bottles into tinier and tinier bottles, the city is making glass mulch.


Problem: These dogs are over-dressed for the weather. Also the very presence of immovable fake dogs mocks the tragedy of lost real dog, Pencil.


Problem: It looks like someone’s having a bonfire. Yours truly has not been invited.


So there you go. Photo essay over. That is the fin of my photo essay. The first of many to come. I promise I won’t just document problems. I will also document things that are not problems. I realize that documenting problems without offering solutions is just shirking personal responsibility. It just seemed to be a theme in my neighborhood yesterday when I took a walk. And things seem kind of hopeless where Pencil is concerned, you have to admit. It has been over a month.

Until next week, Spartan Holidayers.


5 thoughts on “Persian Sins and Problems In My Neighborhood

  1. Problem: urge to laugh hysterically when I’m in the same room with two sleeping children.
    Problem: this photo essay will be permanently engrained in my memory and I will badger the problematic essayist about it.
    Problem: do I Telly dog loving child about the problem of pencil or let her continue in her picture perfect world.
    Thanks for the belly laughs Spartan Goddess.

    1. Jill, I certainly did not intend for my list of problems to beget more problems…that was the last thing I wanted to happen. I would not tell your child about Pencil…not until anything is final.

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