This Was Almost a Blog About Snails

Kathryn Morris Trotter - American Impressionist Knife painter - Dancing in the Rain - Tutt'Art@ (17)
In this painting by Kathryn Morris Trotter we see that Parisians know how to dress for rain.

It’s raining here in Albuquerque. Has been off and on all day.

The sky is gray, grass soggy. There are puddle mirrors everywhere. Good news for narcissists!

Coronets of rain hit the pavement, sheets of water spray up from city buses. New Mexicans are misdressed for the weather per usual (leather boots, sundresses, sunglasses–nobody here owns a raincoat) and standing too close to the curb per usual. But in general, New Mexicans are happier than usual, because days like this are rare.

Here_comes_rain_again

Here’s that same information in a poem:

Gray coronets, soggy rain

Mexicans

Missdressed for the Weather.

In sheets

City buses.

I know, I know, I’m stalling. My phone is ringing off the hook with people wanting me to update Demon Summer. Or people not wanting me to update Demon Summer. Or people with no real opinion who are just calling me for other reasons. And I will update it. I will.

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From Etsy artist Ouroborus 81. It has already sold so you can’t buy it.

But first I want to talk about snails. They are EVERYWHERE on the pavement right now. They are besieging our town and getting everything all slimy. If I had a camera, which I currently do not, I would capture them on film, slowly slurching and slurruping along. From online research I learned that this slime is nothing less, nothing more, than mucus, meant to lubricate their paths and allow them to climb vertically. Apparently with a nice buffer of slime, snails can safely slide over a razor blade.

tumblr_l4uwndIsld1qac76ro1_r1_500
Toulouse-Lautrec drew this French version of a snail.

Would you like to eat snails? You can!  At several of the French restaurants in town. Or for free from the pavement.

But first you must capture them and put them through detox for a couple of weeks, because who knows what they’ve eaten and if they’ve eaten poison poop berries and you eat them, then you’ve eaten poison poop berries. So imprison them (not in cardboard, they can eat through that shit with their THOUSANDS of microscopic teeth), and feed them corn meal, greens and water. Don’t get too close. Don’t let them win you over with their imploring eyes (found on the end of those stalk thingies on their heads.) This is your future fancy appetizer.

Two weeks later, they’re probably clean and you can throw them in a boiling water for 10 to 15 minutes. A scum will collect on the surface. You’ll need to skim it off. When the scum stops amassing your snails are dead. Dig in. Serve with chardonnay or merlot. A butter sauce. Garlic. Those are really great ideas says this article in the San Francisco Chronicle.

escargot55

Another fun thing to do with snails is to watch their silvery mucus trails sparkle in the moonlight. That’s what I’ll be doing this evening.

Oh no. My blog not about snails, turned out to be about snails. That was accidental.

Well, signing off. Expect these sorts of lower quality, shoddily researched posts from Spartan Holiday for the next while. I’m pretty busy with work stuff.

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