Obsessive Compulsive Wall Painting Disorder: A Case Study

There comes a time in many a person’s life when they decide it’s time to light out for new territories. Somewhere they can have a chicken coop in the backyard, and a stiff drink on the front porch, and a stacking washer/dryer in the bathroom, and glass windows and a pedestal for their monkey lamp, and a donut vendor half a block away, and whimsical plumbing, and an actual bedroom for their 3-year-old daughter.

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For me that time was now.

And that place is Anderson Avenue!

Stop on by. It looks like this:

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If you need more specific landmarks, there are some dog–llama-merman thingies on the gate.

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If you don’t know what I’m talking about, look for these horse heads on the fence posts:

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Where was I? Oh yeah, we were ready to move in, but we couldn’t help noticing the walls were brown. So my idea was to paint them. After conferring with others and doing extensive internet research, this seemed to be the popular choice when faced with wall colors you don’t like.

Little did I know that once you start painting, you can hardly stop!!!

But I’ve stopped now. After eight coats. Mostly because I ran out of paint and also because after eight coats it finally looked right. It finally looked the color of magnolia blossoms for which it was named (portrayed here in bottom left corner).

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Do I recommend eight coats of paint in all situations?

Yes!!!

Let me break it down for you:

Primer 1: To cover up existing paint

Primer 2: To seal in primer

Paint 1: To color over primer

Paint 2: To doubly color over primer

Paint 3: For nice, thick texture

Paint 4: To paint over all the painting you’ve already done

Paint 5: To paint over the paint that was covering all the other paint

Paint 6: To definitively seal in all that paint with more paint

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It’s weird and sad that we didn’t even get to use these extra rollers

Did my partner in prime (that’s a joke referencing primer, then prime, then crime) find marathon painting as joyfully addictive as I did? Let’s chat with him and see:

me:  Dave, remember when we painted the house for an entire week?

Dave:  nope…when was that?

 me:  nonstop day and night with all of our free time?
 Dave:  hmmm….not ringing any bells…
 me:  I’m pretty sure you were there.
 Dave:  was I? okay…let’s assume I was…what’s your question?

me:  If you could do it all over again would you? And what would you do differently?

 Dave:  I would buy my own f&*ing paint. Any other questions?
 me:  Oh. But in retrospect it was kind of fun, right?
 Dave:  What? Are you f&*ing kidding me?
This pretty much concluded our interview. I think with enough time and distance, Dave will also look back on that week as a zany and delightful home improvement project.
So thank you Property Manager for buying such cheap-ass paint instead of what we asked for! My former landlady likened painting with cheap paint to painting with milk. So next time I’m just going to go out and buy 10 gallons of milk instead.
Here I am reminiscing about my week-long painting jag. Was it really as fun as I thought?
Here I am reminiscing about my week-long painting jag. Was it really as fun as I thought?
Yes! It was!
Yes! It was!
But seriously if you want to be enveloped in magnolia blossom and/or drink some tea and/or hear me play B flat on the ukulele, do stop by!
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3 thoughts on “Obsessive Compulsive Wall Painting Disorder: A Case Study

  1. Gail, loved this! new house looks great, but really surprised you still have a partner at all. Please give dave my sincere sympathy for having gone through this ordeal!

    m

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