Yes, I know. What? Could it be? Yes. No, it can’t! But it is.
Wipe away your bitter tears, dear readers; Spartan Holiday has come to a close. This post is the grand finale–a starry burst of fireworks in chrysanthemums and whirly twirlies and crackly sparkle dust.
It’s tempting to blog about how pointless and overrated fireworks are. But I shan’t because–and this is the point–this blog could go on forever. There is always something more to blog about, you see–polar bear swims in the Rio Grande, or some weird thing that happened the other night, like people Christmas caroling while reading lyrics off their smart phones.
And that is the crux of the problem. For I have bigger, better things to write and I mustn’t be tempted by low hanging fruit.
But I did love my little blog, humble and inglorious as it was. It was a solace in some tough times and a good platform for seeing the world anew.
So for my final blog, I think a little retrospective is in order. What do I think was my most attractive post? My most ill-advised? My most under-appreciated? Let us see.
The Best (and Worst) of Spartan Holiday
Best Photo Essay: Shokunin. Spartan Holiday allowed me to explore my new quasi-hobby of photography. I admit that some of my efforts sucked, like the pictures on Persian Sins and Problems In My Neighborhood, which was otherwise one of my favorite posts.
Most Under-Appreciated: Demon Summer: A Work in Progress. Why did no one seem to read this throw-back gothic thriller I wrote only on rainy days? Maybe it was too scary, is all I can figure.
Most Useful: I Can’t Remember What to Do in Cacti Situations.
Most Self-Indulgent: Yeah, I named a bunch of dogs.
Most Depressing: No Country for Old Men or Anyone Actually:
Most Depressing Runner Up: Why Can’t I Stop Killing Whales?
Most Ill-Advised: Wow, lots of competition in this category. Why I ever thought the modern public would enjoy my rants about Cretaceous-era atmospheric composition or WWII Japanese balloon bombs is a tragic mystery indeed. But the only blog I ever “unpublished” and issued an apology for was the one in which I claimed that the Spartan Holiday offices were in the direct path of a forest fire, causing several overly credulous people to become anxious for my safety. I have republished it here:
Most Clarifying: First runner up was my dream death post in which I forced myself to imagine the ideal way to die. But the winner is Help, My House is on Fake-Fire! Notice I wrote “fake fire” here so as not to cause any more alarm after the Valles Caldera incident. This blog was clarifying because I was forced to really cull out, once and for all, my most cherished material possessions.
Hottest Post: Eventually I wised up to the fact that the public wants the hot and novel, not one-act plays on the Civil War. Hence the First Annual Spartan Holiday Fall Fashion Issue, The Albuquerque Hawt List and Giving Thanks Where Thanks Is Due.
The excruciatingly long A Virtual Visit to Elmwood Park Zoo, in which I exploited my blood relation to Jonathan Groff, was my third most-read blog of all time. But the winner in this category goes to I May Have Found a Replacement for Magnus Carlsen which just raged with hotness and ranked fourth in overall popularity.
Most Soon-to-be Irrelevant As of This Posting: My 2014 Happy New Year(s) post. I’m pretty proud of these cards I made, being as inept at photo editing as I am.
And finally, My Most Statistically Popular Post: Dogs I Named. Yes, the very same as My Most Self-Indulgent post.
The take-home message seems to be: Look how all of our world-displacing, cutting-edge technology just serves to reflect our most basic animal selves. The Internet is mostly a platform for sex, social grappling, information hunting, and odes to our inter-species companions.
Life is a beautiful, absurd, miraculous mess, is it not?
I am grateful to be here. I hope you are too.
Thanks, faithful readers. I shall miss you.